When we open sexually, vulnerable parts of us may also come out, triggering various emotions. If we don’t resist this movement of feelings then grace can open up for us. The analogy of this truth, that we must embrace our shadow side in order to transcend it, is the beautiful lotus blossom that rises out of the murky mud. The sex act, when done with awareness, has incredible healing potential. Through loving sex we can heal our bodies, our hearts and our entire beings.
Robert had always prided himself as a very capable lover. And he had always enjoyed lots of sex throughout his life. Robert’s childhood had been very difficult, his mother was schizophrenic and so she was alternately neglectful and loving toward him when he was a child. He learned how to survive the hurt of such unreliable love by protecting his heart and not really letting anyone too close. He had been in several relationships, which he thought were reasonably satisfying, but then one day Robert fell in love, truly deeply in love, like he had never felt before and a disturbing thing started happening.
When Robert was making love with his new partner he could feel some very sad old feelings of hurt rise up. As he began to trust his new lover, he became aware of how his heart was hurt by those earlier events in his life. Being a strongly masculine male, he felt that to be a good lover he had to be strong at all times; he could not show weakness especially to his new love whom he was so anxious to show his best side.
During lovemaking when those vulnerable parts of him arose to distract himself from these feelings, quite unconsciously, he got more vigorous in his lovemaking. This did not please his partner, Evelyn, because she could feel something was wrong. She started complaining that his sex was mechanical and too rough. Evelyn had a natural and deep understanding of sacred sex and she truly loved him so she kept inviting him to be softer and to show her his vulnerable sides. With time the trust between them grew so much that he could begin to feel and talk about his hurt, and he could allow those moments of emotional pain to ripple through him as they made love. He realized that it was not only ok, but that it made it possible to enjoy a depth of sensual feeling, pleasure and intimacy in lovemaking that he never knew existed.
continued in next post
