My wife is no longer interested in sex, what can I do?

Question from a man:

I have used Tantra, and found that I can feel good on my own, but my wife isn’t that interested in sex anymore. Is there anything I can do? I do not want to look for someone else. We’ve been married 32yrs, just moved the last kid out of the house. She still loves me, I know that. So I was just looking for I guess my own release, and staying faithful. Does that make sense?

Niyaso Carter: If your wife is not interested that’s because she really doesn’t know how amazing sex can be. That is not her fault, neither is it yours, but there is things you can learn and she can learn and you can learn together that will make all the difference. Sex is supposed to be wonderful and getting better all the time in a long term relationship. If you want some pointers how to go about getting there keep reading.

And yes, you are making sense, you can find some pretty amazing pleasures all by yourself and it may be a great step toward a new sexuality for you, so a time of exploring your own sexual energy more deeply will be excellent (Specific tools for this phase of your journey can be found further down on this post). But once again I want to stress, that if your wife loves you and is not terribly ill or disabled in some way, ultimately the fabulous challenge for you will be to show her just what she is missing.

Lovemaking is supposed to get better, sweeter and more satisfying the older we get and there is no cut off point at which age we should better surrender and accept that we are old and decrepit farts that can’t have pleasure any more.

I know enough older couples that can attest to this. Yes the restless steaminess of raging hormones may leave the act at a more mature age, but oh!! the wonder and the tenderness, the energetic bliss, the deep communion that have been reported to me. The merging, the loving, the multi orgasmic ecstasy, the magnificent, subtle pleasures that many older couples have shared with me they have found. I’m a little too young to speak from personal experience, but these are real live couples that I personally know, some of which I have coached, who are enjoying life in all the best ways possible, not to mention reports that I have read.

So how do you get your wife enrolled. Often I have found that when a woman, as she ages, tells her mate that she is not longer interested in sex, it really means that, the sex she is currently experiencing is not good enough and she does not know how to change it. She is not lying to you. She simply does not know that it could and should be better and she really does not need to experience the sex that is the status quo any longer. Good for her.

Please don’t be offended, I’m no saying to you that you are a lesser lover. Not at all. You are probably as good, loving and caring as the next guy or far better, but in this culture, that’s not saying much. That’s why so many older women prefer not to get do at all. This is not the men’s fault any more than it is the woman’s. Where was the “lovemaking- skills” classes when you were 14 and then 20 and then 30? Where were the wise elders you could turn to for advice?

In this culture, they are almost totally absent. And they were absent for her too, which is why she doesn’t even know that she is missing out on something amazing. And which is why not only does she not know that it could better, if she has an inkling that it should be, she has no idea how to bring it about. And since her hormones are no longer urging her as she gets older, living without it seems the obvious solution.

That’s why I do the work I do, because it is needed. Pleasure is an important part of life and will do much to promote peace on this planet. Great sex is not something reserved for a few short years of our lives.

Anyway, your next step would be, as you assumed correctly, to do some learning for yourself and on your own as well as you experiencing some pleasure for yourself. For this I recommend that you download the relevant  tracks of my audio program “Tantra, Sex for the Soul” from I-tunes.  Of course you can order the whole program on my site, but if money is a concern, then you just need 4 tracks for now. These are the tracks for “Tantra solo practice”, or “White Tantra” as some people like to call it.

I suggest that you do those exercises everyday for a while, say for one month, and then get back to me and we can talk about the next steps. My goal for you is, that you have amazing lovemaking with your utterly delighted wife within the year. But first things first. Let’s move one step at a time.

Below are the details on the tracks of the audio program “Tantra, Sex for the Soul” and how you can obtain them:

You can get certain single tracks as well as the whole program on I-tunes but because I-tunes does not allow single tracks that are longer then 10 minutes to be sold, to get the longer single tracks that I recommend for you, you must go to CD Baby:

The tracks for solo practice that I suggest are:

Track 23. Self Pleasuring for Intimacy

Track 32. Shaking: Open Your Energy

Track 33. Undulation: Open the Spine

Track 34. Microcosmic Orbit: Refine Your Energy

If you can afford the whole program I highly recommend it.

To order the program in hard copy in a pretty box with inserts and guidelines go to my site here:

I hope this gives you something to work with.

I always welcome feedback.

with love and Aloha, Niyaso


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