but in fact they are the very worst. They teach us the wrong things. But what can we do about it?
Movies have the potential to be the best possible sex education because everyone watches movies, so people could actually see a role-modeling of what loving, sacred, caring and conscious sex looks like just by watching an entertaining movie, but unfortunately we don’t get that opportunity. In fact the sex scenes in movies seem to get worse and worse as the years go by.
As there is increasing public permission over the decades to show more and more overt sex acts in movies, it seems that this has only led to more gross and over-the-top-silly movie sex scenes. A little further down I will make some suggestions to those of you who are parents what you can do to help your kids when watching these kinds of movie scenes.
I am not talking about pornography movies here, that porn is not good sex education goes without saying, I’m talking about middle of the road PG13 and R-rated and unrated movies, blockbuster movies where the sex scene is more or less incidental.
The other day I watched a movie that Netflix called a feel-good family comedy/drama which was also warmly recommended by several of my friends. When it came to the sex scene in the movie I couldn’t help but cringe. It was heartless, “fuck-like-a-bunny” type of sex, desperate and mechanical.
And that’s not the only movie that I have with a scene like this. I am finding that I am mostly disgusted by the sex scenes in recent movies. But even more I am saddened because these are the movies that our children are seeing. This is the only sex education they are getting. As a sacred sex educator and Tantra teacher and as a liberal open-minded woman with a healthy sexual appetite and an ability to enjoy sex in lots of ways, I can’t help but cringe at most sex scenes in movies nowadays. Yet this is what our impressionable young ones, who have nothing else to compare it with, get served up as normal sex; the unspoken implication is that this is how it’s done, because it’s the only thing they ever get to see.
I am myself a mother and a friend of mine single-handedly provides all the schools of the entire island here with basic sex-ed, so I know very well what passes for sex education in schools and in society today. There really is hardly such a thing as public sex education. The children learn what a condom is and what kinds of STDs exist and how one can get pregnant, and that is usually the extent of any formal sex education in school. That is if sex-ed is not strictly limited to the ridiculous “Just Say No” theme. In that case they dont’ even need to know that much, since they will be following this sage advice and saying no to their natural instincts alltogether. Sarcasm intended.
There is no sex education for kids and teenagers, no verbal, printed, auditory or visual imagery of sweet, healthy, tender, sacred, loving sex easily and readily available anywhere.
Older movies served kids a lot more in that respect. There was romance, there was tender kissing, there was sensuality, things went slow. Today, even in movies that actually have some level of emotional depth, the sex scenes are often out of synch with the actual movie, it’s almost as if Hollywood has only one single director for sex scenes that they call in for all the sex scenes in all the movies. They pretty much all go somethinglike this:
They rip each others clothes off in a hurry, stumble over furniture to get to each other, crash a few vases and lamps in the process, foreplay is ommitted alltogether, and the more chaotic the better. And then they go at it at top speed, hard and fast, almost desperate, with no preamble, or epilogue for that matter. The whole thing lasts a few seconds, then the drama of the movie continues where it left off and nothing further gets spoken about the intense sex we have just witnessed.
When I see these scenes I can’t help but think of the kids and teenagers that are seeing this. What must they be thinking and feeling? I know what some of them are thinking because they have told me, some of them are grossed out. But there is that little bit of a place in them where they are wondering: This must be how it is supposed to be done? I must be the one that is weird for not liking it? I should probably act more like this? They see scenes like that over and over with just slightly changed scenarios and they don’t see anything else unless they happen to watch an occasional classic oldie movie. Repeated visual imprints like this are not easily overridden, even by common sense.
One thing parents can do while watching a movie with their kids, or anytime after the movie is over, is to make a light-hearted comment, something like: “You know that sex doesn’t look like that in real life, right?” or: “They make these scenes extra silly because its a movie, real life sex is nothing like this.” Say anything that draws the kids attention to the fact that what they are watching is not how real life is.
If you are talking to a boy you could say something like: This is not what girls really like, this is just a silly movie scene, nothing to do with real life. If you are talking to a girl, you could say: Don’t ever think that girls need to like it that way, sex is a lot sweeter then that. This is just a badly done movie scene, in real life it is so much nicer.
The visual imprint is strong, especially for males who are usually more visual and who can get easily stimulated by any kind of sex scene. Still, even though making a comment is a small thing, it can make a big difference. If your kids hear such comments often enough, at least it will get them wondering about the whole thing.
And if you are an adult who is wondering the same things, let me assure you that sex as depicted in movies or romance/thriller novels is not how real life, healthy, loving sex takes place, far from it. So often in my work, when I describe what healthy sex, awesome sex looks like or when I give specific assignments, I get such relieved looks from people. Men and women alike tell me how glad they are that they have found me and my way of explaining sacred and tantric sex. They are so relieved that they no longer feel the pressure to mold themselves into what they have come to see as the norm.
Please know that all humans, including you, have an inbuilt knowing as to what is sacred sex. Trust it. Don’t let modern media confuse you. Your heart and body know better.
The movie “The Secrets of Sacred Sex” that I co-created several years ago was a great first attempt to offer something different to the viewing public. My next video project will be even more amazing. Anyone wishing to help me with it is welcome, please contact me.
If you have not seen “The Secrets of Sacred Sex” you can find it here https://sacredloving.net/Video.html
