There is no better experience of euphoria than a good, long, sensual lovemaking session with someone you love and adore.
So why is this most exquisite high not more readily accessible for more people?
I teach a lot of sensual lovemaking practices, but I don’t feel that it’s primarily a lack of technique that keeps us longing for the ecstasy that we know can be found with our beloved. I believe the biggest missing factor is that, as a society, we lack sexual communication skills. We may be amazing communicators in other areas, yet we get so shy and tongue-tied when it comes to saying what we like in bed.
My assignment for you today is: Talk more about your sex life! Find words for what you like and dare to ask for it. Consider the following:
• Avoid saying what you don’t like. When a touch that doesn’t feel good happens, redirect in that moment. Right then and there, ask for something that would feel better.
• Practice putting into words what you like — in your own time, in your own head. Ideally, you would even journal about it until you feel like you can say it in a coherent sentence without making anyone wrong. Often, especially my women clients say, “But I don’t know what to ask for!” In that case I usually suggest, “Imagine that you were absolutely required to ask for something, anything. What might it be?”
• Fantasize. Try out different ideas. If you could say nothing wrong, what would you ask for? Even a tiny, specific change can make a huge difference.
