Able to feel, are you? Why manifesting your desires often does not work.

This blog post is far from polished but I wanted to get it out there so I can get your thoughts on it.

Even with the fullest understanding of the Law of Attraction, many people find that often their manifesting endeavors don’t work, but what does this have to do with feeling and Tantra and tantric sex?

To have the best sex you ever had and to fully manifest your life dreams, for both these desirable outcomes, you need to be able to feel.

Being able to feel everything is a crucial key ingredient both in having a divine and amazing sex life and the ability to create your own reality. In fact Tantra’s message is practically synonymous with the sentence: “Experience everything fully and deeply!”

We can only feel what we are conscious of. Many of us have unconscious default programs running much like a computer who has been programmed on start up to open certain software without us having to double click on the icon. We wake up in the morning and the software opens unbeknownst to us. Unbeknownst that is, unless we pay attention to our feelings. For instance, the message that some of us picked up as a child that “life is not a bed of roses”, has caused a “expecting bad things to happen” program to run as a sort of below the radar small application that nevertheless affects everything.

Why does positive thinking and affirmation have little effect so many times? Why do even people who are fully willing to subscribe to the law of attraction and the fact that they create their own reality often end up disheartened, feeling that maybe it does not work after all? Or worse, that they are doing it all wrong?

Let’s just say that most of us have a limited ability to feel, or maybe more precisely, most of us don’t allow ourselves to feel as fully as we could. Feeling we do, but if the feeling goes even a little bit into the range of uncomfortable we dodge it like a bullet. And that is essentially healthy, just sometimes we are a little bit too quick with it. We kind of shut down not just the uncomfortable feeling, but feeling alltogether. We go numb, maybe only a little bit, but still, we are less aware and conscious. That’s mostly because when we were little we didn’t have the reasoning capacity to investigate our bad feelings, nor access to the resources to make ourselves feel better. Faced with a bad situation, bad feelings were therefore better ignored. It was less painful that way. A default program was created that said: “When x happens I do y.”And it has been running ever since.

I have been a long time believer in the law of attraction materials, especially those of “Abraham” as presented by Esther and Jerry Hicks. Even so, as a therapist and counselor there is one area that continues to baffle me: If the law of attraction is so easily explained and understood by the mind, if we know that our feelings show us what we are vibrating, what our thoughts are attracting, why do not more people create exactly what they want with ease?

For those of you for whom this is a new language, let me explain it in a nutshell: The law of attraction is based on the premise that “like attracts like” and that similar vibrations attract each other. Another premise is that each thought and feeling is a vibration and what we think determines what we feel.  How we feel is an indication of what we are vibrating and therefore are in the process of attracting. We can know how we are vibrating by the way we feel. Good feelings equal higher vibrations, equal easy manifestation of our desires. We can change what we are feeling by the thoughts that we choose.  Choosing a better feeling thought is the name of the game. Simple, right? Makes sense, yes? So why does it not work so simply for most people?

A lot of people are not in touch with their feelings. If you don’t know what you are feeling you have no clue what you are vibrating, therefore attracting, in and out of bed.

One would think that this would be major motivation for people to tune into their feelings and make that their biggest priority, but in my experience this is not the case.

I believe it is because most people have such a love-hate relationship with their feelings. They’ve learned to ignore them as described above.

I know lots of folks who have the positive affirmations down. They never utter a negative word. They are, in fact hyper vigilant never to let a less than positive comment slip past their lips. So why don’t they have everything they want? Must be that they are not “feeling it.”  “It” being the positive vibration that should accompany their positive demeanor.

People remain fearful of their feelings and therefore cannot access the wealth of nuances, or the creative power, or the fabulous sex, that having feelings can offer.

Being able to acknowledge and observe a feeling and not react to it with some automatic aversion is the key to your creation ability; and to a good sex life as well.

When we truly let go sexually, feelings pop up all over the place because we are in a state of surrender. And to have truly great sex we must be in that state of surrender, men and women alike. So it is a good idea to have some friendly familiarity with your feelings, so that you are not shocked when they sneak up on you in your state of let go. Otherwise you are likely to shut down your sexual enjoyment in that moment and this leads to average sex.


I’ve believed for a long time that I create my own reality, that does not mean that I am always able to create everything I want right away. I still have to work with myself every day, moment to moment, to pay attention to what I am feeling. Now I know that this is what it means to be on the pulse of life.


My assignment to you for the week, if you want to take me up on it:

-Make it the week for allowing feelings

-Slow down enough to make a little more room for your feelings, take some time out to just feel

-Celebrate every single one that you can put your finger on

-Don’t be afraid of any of them, the good, bad and the ugly.

– Once you know how you feel, use your ability to reason to choose thoughts that make you feel better. If you already feel good you can always get ecstatic.

-Stay fully conscious of this process.

– Make feeling “good” your highest priority, but know that to truly feel good you first have to feel it all!!

As always I welcome your comments. I love your thoughts and questions.







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