Tantric sex and the lost Art of Touch

Touch is one of the most powerful experiences on planet earth. The very first thing that happens to us when we arrive in this world is the sensation of touch on our skin. Before that we are enveloped in warm water, that’s a form of touch also, but we would not survive if someone did not pick us up and touch us as we pop out out of the birth canal. For better or worse we are imprinted with the biological need for touch. As infants we know that our survival depends on it and there have been many studies done around touch as it relates to the thriving of infants. The outcome of the studies is pretty unanymous, more loving touch equals more thriving.

Yet it is interesting how little attention touch gets as the true artform that it is. And not just the touch from mother to infant, but also the touch between loving partners gets very little mention. Some couples are lucky and things work out perfectly for both partners effortlessly, but more often than not, leaving it up to luck does not get the most happy results.

Yes, there is any number of touch techniques if you study bodywork or energy healing, but the simple touch, or lack thereof, in everyone’s daily life gets very little airtime. Even married couples spend a lot more time discussing orgasm (whether she has them or not, whether he should have them or not) then they spend teaching each other exactly what kind of touch rocks their world in a good way. Couples worry about having great sex without working on the building blocks of intimate relating: sensual and nurturing touch.

To be a good toucher is not about techinque, but more about the essence of the image above,  about how much we are connected to our inner being, how much we are sensitized to our connection to source and therefore how much we are sensitive to the one that we are touching. How aware we are of energy in motion.

The reason there is so much sex addiction is because, ironic as it may seem, going for sex is sadly more legitimate then going for loving touch. Yes you can book a massage and I recommend that everyone does this as often as possible, but can you really go and say: “I’d like some nurturing touch?” Of course you can ask, but how is the massage therapist going to respond if you say that? They are not trained to specifically provide nurturing touch, it’s more a lucky side effect if it happens.

Wouldn’t it be nice if we were able to get loving touch in our lives as much as we want?

And this is not just a question for people who are single. Sadly there are a lot of marriages where both parties are touch deprived, some even if they still are having sex.

Here is a little assignment for you. The invitation for singles is different than the one for couples.

If you are in relationship: Next time you spend time with your partner experiment with a new touch, just do something that feels good to you that you don’t usually do, then ask your partner how it feels. That’s it. Let things develop from there. If your partner thinks you are silly, explain that you are trying to find additional ways to please them. That should get them enrolled. Let the conversation and touch open up from there.

If you are currently single: Think of someone in your life who you would enjoy exchanging touch with. Don’t make it an ex that just dumped you but someone who you think may be available for an experiment. They don’t need to be the next partner, just someone that you feel comfortable asking. Just ask this person if they are open to exchanging nurturing touch. If you find someone, take turns showing each other touch that feels good. Talk about it if you can.

If you don’t find anyone, practice touching yourself in different ways. Spend some time exploring loving yourself through giving yourself touch that feels good.

I would love to know how this assignments went for you, so I invite all your thought and comments.

Aloha Niyaso



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