I’ve been asked this question hundreds if not thousands of times, both by women and their men over the years.
I’m afraid my answer has not been very popular, because my first response is usually: “It’s not all that important that anyone discovers their orgasmic potential”.
But wait, don’t go away just yet! Please let me explain.
I wish for every woman to know ecstatic sexual joy in her life, to easily feel sensual, delightful bliss in her body, to have “I’m loosing my mind and I don’t care” delicious melting with her partner and existence during lovemaking, to experience love, passion and pleasure that makes her swoon and purr, giggle and babble incoherently. It is my wish that she can trust so deeply that all of this and more can happen for her, allowing her to know herself as a whole fulfilled woman, the goddess of creation herself. That’s what I want for every woman.
It is my guess that this is really what people are looking for when they ask about finding their orgasm. Orgasm itself is really quite overrated. What is an orgasm really? It is a biological function that in the female body has the purpose of contracting certain muscles, thereby helping the sperm move along the vaginal canal into the uterus to support fertilization. That’s really it. Does it feel good? Sure it does, even though it can be everything from comparable to a good sneeze to something totally transcendental. More often then not though, the transcendental part is missing. And what’s more, fulfilling, complete, transcendental lovemaking does not require an orgasm as an ingredient. A woman is not less then whole if she has never had an orgasm. I ask all of you women who are not easily orgasmic to stop putting yourself down for that. It really is not important. Being orgasmic has nothing to do with how good your lovemaking is or with your value and wholeness as a sexual being.
If you would have to choose between the above mentioned amazing experiences and an orgasm, which would you choose?
In the ideal picture of course you shouldn’t have to choose between the two. They should be wonderfully intertwined, but unfortunately it is my experience that lots of people in the pursuit of orgasm miss out on the really good stuff. They get so focused on the desired outcome of orgasm that they are not relaxed and open enough to experience the true wonders of fabulous lovemaking. So that’s why I often suggest to let go of seeking orgasm, even for the woman. Let go of it so that you can make room for something even better.
Having said this, my next post will describe what a woman can do to experience mindblowing, fulfilling, delicious lovemaking and what her partner can do to support it.
Until then I of course invite any comments you wish to make and questions you wish to ask, openly or in private. Feel free to argue with me as this will give me an opportunity to fine-tune my points.