Almost every time I work with new clients in my sacred sex coaching practice the sad truth of how lacking our western world was, and still is, in the area of sex education comes apparent once again. And I get reminded of how stifled almost every child and adolescent in the civilized world is in the area of sexuality. And stifled children turn into stifled adults unless they free themselves. Most of my clients are well educated professionals with many life skills, yet so often I find myself wishing that they had learned in their teens what I am teaching them now. But better late then never, and it’s never too late. So no matter how old you are or how long you have been with your current partner or how good your sex life is, if you have not done the following at considerable length and in great detail already, I invite you to try out this exploration:
I’m writing this as tips for guys but girls can do this too:
Next time you are with your/a partner ask her one of these question below (questions are in bold): Is there anything that I can do that would feel even better? Another variation: Would you be willing to tell me what I can do or should stop doing so that you can feel even more pleasure when we are together? Another variation of the question if you think that all is going well already: Is there anything I could do even just a tiny bit differently that would feel even better? Is there anything else that you would like from me to enjoy our lovemaking even more? Is there any way I can touch you that would feel even better. Is there any way I can talk to you that would feel better?
Ask with gentleness and sincerity. Do not joke!!!! No sarcasm!! No teasing!!! Don’t grovel either!! It takes an empowered man to be willing to ask these questions.
Then wait and no matter what answer you get, thank her for telling you, do not defend, do not joke, do not explain away, just try to do or not do what she asks for, or if you really don’t know what she means ask a further question. For example:
Could you explain this in more detail? or: Would you show me what you mean?
Then after you’ve done or tried to do what she asks for, check back:
Is this what you meant ? Did I get that right? Could I do it even better?
If you don’t get an answer to your initial question, just ask the question again. Maybe she does not believe you really want to know. I’ve never known a woman who deep down did not appreciate being asked these question. If she reacts funny at first it’s just because its new to her. Remember she is probably as shy about all this as you are.
If she says that you should know without having to ask, then you know that she is not in her heart in that moment, or just overly embarrassed, so don’t give up!!!! It’s not at all wrong to have to ask, but rather it is a sign of maturity. That’s how every man who is truly a good lover has honed his skills, unless he was very lucky and had a woman who lovingly taught him without him having to ask.
If she is reluctant, tell her that you need her help, that you need her to teach you. If she loves you and means for the relationship to work, she will eventually start answering your questions.
If she says she doesn’t know what to say, ask her to think about it and tell you later, then ask again the next time. Another thing you could do is ask her: If your body did the talking, what would it say that it would like?
If she says all is perfect already then you are a lucky man.
If you have clear reason to doubt that all is perfect then just keep asking with gentleness and sincerity.
I know just asking a few questions seems overly simple, but it is my experience that most men who do this are first unbelieving and then delighted at how well it works.
Go on, I dare you to try it.
If it doesn’t work like a charm, feel free to write me for more details or check out my audio program “Tantra, Sex for the Soul”. There you will find this and many more suggestions in much more detail. For more info, click here: http://sacredloving.net/SacredSexStore_pages/Audio5CDs.html